TOOTSIES

Unit 3b, 30 Brewhouse St, Putney Wharf, London. SW15 2SP
Telephone: 020 8788 8488
Website: Tootsies

When you first walk into Tootsies you immediately get the feeling you’ve walked into one of those all-American restaurant chains. We went on a Saturday night and the place was packed. The friendly waitress took us to the bar to wait for the table. And that’s pretty much all that went right.

I wasn’t at all hungry (ate frozen pizza from Dec 31st 2004) and opted for the calamari rings as a starter. I couldn’t stop myself from staring in disbelief when it came. It should have come with a magnifying glass and a warning in big letters not to inhale too hard or sneeze for fear you would lose your dinner. They won the award for smallest calamari rings ever. I felt I was looking at a bowel of Cherrios or worse still, one of the school dinners prepared by the kitchen ladys’ whom Jamie Oliver is working so hard to abolish. Ultimate insult, I think.

How hard is it to make calamari rings? Not much. God has already done pretty much all the work. All the chef has to do is crumb it and deep-fry it. This restaurant managed to screw it up royally. I couldn’t even taste the calamari. Each bite felt like I was eating deep-fried crumbs.

I had come with three other friends. Two opted for lamb cutlets and one for a simple beef burger. The dishes were very ordinary and seemed to go against the American ethos of serving big portions. The serving of fries and side salad were extremely stingy. The taste? Well the burger certainly wouldn’t put Mc Donald’s out of business. The lamb cutlets were so so only – nothing to write home about.

My friend had to ask the waiter three times before she finally got her milkshake. When the bill eventually came, it had charged for four beers instead of three. This is the only time in my life where we had opted not to pay for the 12.5% service charge incorporated into the bill. It simply wouldn’t have been right. We couldn’t have gotten out of there fast enough. I was just thanking my lucky stars that I had ruined my appetite by stuffing my face with pizza. Good call.

I’m not an unforgiving person. I can be swayed. Having looked at other reviews on this restaurant, there does seem to be praise for the breakfast. Shame about the dinner though.

HRH

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