Food and the city..the hags are here to eat and then tell you about it!

Thursday, May 05, 2005



Bayswater is a throbbing hotbed of ethnic people – Chinese, Greek, Lebanese, Arabics, Indians, Pakastanis. When people ask us where’s a good place to fondle Chinese fodder – Bayswater is your answer. The following is by no means a comprehensive list of Chinese restaurants in this little oasis, but are the places we frequent – often. Having a superb slap-up meal here is almost as certain as Camilla Parker Bowles (aka Duchess of Cornwall) never changing her helmet of hair. It’s that certain. Trust us.
The following aren’t in-depth reviews. Ever since we’ve started this website, we’ve been neglecting our ol’ ye faithfuls for more hotblooded forays into the culinary world. Tsk tsk. But we can’t go without mentioning them. Look out for more in-depth reviews in the future.

Four Seasons
84, Queensway, London, W2 3RL
Telphone: 020 7229 4320

Four Seasons

First up is the ultra famous Four Seasons. You can’t live in London and not know it. Its celebrated voluptuous, lush juicy roasted duck is da bomb. They don’t take bookings - so beware. You can be forgiven on some days thinking that a five for one undie sale is on. People jostling by the door and lining up on the streets. Inside by the door it’s uncertain chaos. Patrons lining up hopeing for a table… tentatively reminding the waitress every few minutes of their presence. Not wanting to piss her off and lose their table to other contenders. What a stressful job, poor woman. The poor soul has to deal with take-aways, monitor the table situation and deal with constant nagging. Needless to say, she may be a tad uncivil as times. She may have the most undesirable job on earth (apart from mine and the Prime Minister's).

Everything is good here. The dim sum, lunch and dinner. Good, authentic down-to-earth, reach-my-soul Cantonese cooking. Good value as well.

New Fortune Cookie
1, Queensway, London, W2 4QJ
Telephone: 020 7727 7260

New Fortune Cookie

This is another popular restaurant. Doesn’t have people fainting at its doors as they do at the Four Seasons – they should though. They serve brilliant authentic Taiwanese/Cantonese food. We should know as it was introduced to us by a Taiwanese friend (ahem). A lot of unusual stuff on the menu which we’ve yet to wade through. Can’t wait to go again to review it. Prices are very reasonable and it’s always fun (no matter how tacky it is) to pass around the fortune cookies and marvel over the crap they write in them.

Mandarin Kitchen
14-16, Queensway, London, W2 3RX
Tel: 020 7727 9012

Mandarin Kitchen

This joint is more upper class and is especially famous for its lobster noodles. People wide and far come for it. The first time we had it was about six years ago. We loved it. The second and last time was a year ago (treated by the Perth Hag for finding The Man a job – thanks mate). Try the lobster noodles, if only for the experience. Can’t remember the other dishes we had. Good but not the mutt’s nads. You can relish a finer gastronomic experience at the New Fortune Cookie or Four Seasons for a fraction of the price. Ok ok…maybe not a fraction…you get my drift.

HungTao Chinese Restaurant
51 Queensway, W2 4QH
Telephone: 020 7727 5753


We affectionately know this as the ‘Red Place’, which is in fact its direct translation. This is where you can a bargain basement meal for about £4.20. Don’t expect an opulent ambience…that’s bargain basement too. They serve stuff like duck rice, char siu rice, soy chicken rice, crackling pork rice, congee, noodles….anything you can think of. I will include some photos for this one. We’ve just recently eaten here to lower the average of our expenditure for past month. We’ve been gorging ourselves senseless with rich food recently (and I’m not just talking about the calories). A brilliant joint to have a quickie and a cheapie. You leave with the same feeling you get when you finally reach that hidden boggie in the deepest depths of your nasal passages…satisfied. Or so I hear.

duck and char siu ricePork and Pei Darn congee

Gai lan


Wanna see more restaurant reviews by us?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes.. I know such a Taiwanese friend too...

9:49 am

Blogger Pho Police said...

Its always fun watching the guy carve up the duck at four seasons. So fast......hope he's not like that in bed...

9:18 am

Blogger xuanyou said...

bayswater: you forgot goldmine! it serves duck which is just as good as four seasons, with minor differences. (less fatty, tastier, but slightly tougher).

it's just down the road from bayswater station, past the first tescos.

6:37 pm


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